They say behind every successful man there is a great woman. I may not count as successful, but I have been diligent enough. Along my journey, their encouragement and inspiration helped me grow from a naive boy into a calm, confident, and responsible man. Whenever I look back, I feel like the luckiest person in the world. Their presence has made my life so vibrant and meaningful.

Philosophy in the Kitchen

For as long as I can remember, my mother taught me by example. She had me learning to cook and do housework from age six, which gave me an early love for life. Beyond that, she taught me how to manage time. While cooking, she would explain how she planned things out – which dish to prepare first, which one next, how to use the idle moments (like when food was simmering) to tidy up the kitchen, so that by the time the meal was done, the counter was still spotless rather than a total mess. Looking back, I think this is why I love spending time in the kitchen.

Growing up this way, I developed strong planning habits. Perhaps that is why I have a knack for architecture design. But these habits, deeply influenced by my mother, also brought challenges. Whenever something important was about to happen, my brain would start planning – thinking further and further, especially at night, keeping me awake. Because I was always deep in thought, my already introverted nature made it even harder to connect with people, and for a long time I lacked confidence.

The Autumn Cicada

I still remember the autumn of my freshman year. As a new student going through military training, classmates from all over the country were still strangers to each other. After the first day of training, people went out in small groups for dinner and then to internet cafes to chat on QQ, adding each other as friends. During those few days, I hit it off with a girl in our class. Within days, we became a couple – my first relationship. I never expected to have such a talent for romance. Maybe at that age we were all just innocent, with no complicated thoughts. After spending time together, I realized she was more opinionated and better at dealing with people than I was, which made me feel even less confident.

My birthday falls in autumn. That year, she gave me a jade-carved cicada. At first I was puzzled – why a cicada and not something else? But I did not ask. It was not until we broke up that she told me the meaning behind it. The cicada symbolizes “silent until the moment of brilliance” – the one who stays quiet but one day astonishes everyone. In that moment, I felt my heart being torn apart for the first time.

Do not care too much about what others think of you. Speak your mind boldly. Even if others disagree, express your own views. I hope that one day, like this cicada, you will astonish the world.

The True Meaning of Love

Later, in my junior year, I got into another relationship. Unlike my first girlfriend, she was the gentle, dependent type. At first everything felt great. After graduation, we moved to Shanghai together. Once we started working, she often struggled with her job and turned to me for help. I was patient at first, but over time my patience wore thin. I was young and hot-tempered back then, quick to get angry – a completely different person from who I am now. We argued constantly over trivial things, drifted apart, and eventually broke up.

For a long time, we had no contact at all (we even deleted each other on QQ). Then one night, I had a dream. In an empty room, she was there alone. I asked, “What are you doing here?” She said, “I am waiting for you.” I woke up startled, looked around, and found myself alone. It took a while to come back to my senses, memories flooding in. I thought – is this a sign from above? So I decided to find her the next day, but I did not know where she had moved. I searched online and found a Taobao shop where she had once bought something. After begging the shop owner, they gave me her shipping address. The next day, I went to her old place, but she had already moved. Through a mutual friend, I managed to reach her, but she did not want to see me. Faced with this outcome, and remembering the dream, it all felt unreal.

In the countless long nights that followed, the same dream kept repeating. Until one day, I had an epiphany in my dream and was overwhelmed by deep regret and self-reproach. It was all my fault. If I were her, facing the person I used to be, I would not want to meet again either. Only then did I understand: love is acceptance, love is tolerance. She is who she is – unique and unchangeable.

Clothes Make the Man

Later, I met a girl through an online forum. Our first meeting nearly went sideways – she was taller than me. But I figured, since we had already planned to meet, if she did not mind, why should I? Maybe it was the confidence from that cicada. We watched a movie and went our separate ways. The next week, we had dinner and wandered around a mall. I could tell she was not impressed with how I dressed – too plain, too cheap – though she did not say it outright. Later, when I asked her about it, she admitted it. She thought I looked like a country bumpkin: sneakers, jeans, a sweatshirt, all from street vendors, with no style or quality whatsoever. In hindsight, it was lucky our first date was at a movie theater where she could not see clearly. Had it been daytime, there probably would not have been a second date.

Honestly, I was pretty casual about clothes back then. I once showed up to a date in capri pants and flip-flops – she never responded to my texts again. Clearly, how you dress for a date matters. After sensing the girl’s disdain, I started thinking about how to upgrade my look, but I knew nothing about men’s fashion brands. I happened to be taking English classes at Wall Street English after work, at the Shanghai Jin Mao Center. The instructors there dressed sharp and stylishly. I picked up some ideas from them and started visiting malls after work. Before, I used to buy cheap clothes from street stalls or online – a whole outfit for a few hundred yuan. Walking into a department store, I saw price tags of several hundred for a single item. I tried on a shirt that fit perfectly – with daily gym workouts, I looked like a different person. Then I saw the price: over 500 yuan. That was enough for an entire outfit by my old standards. Thankfully, a programmer’s salary was decent enough. I gritted my teeth and bought it. For a while, I was at the mall almost every weekend. After a major wardrobe overhaul, my closet was transformed – and so was my wallet. That was also when I learned to iron dress shirts.

The Power of Faith

One evening, while I was still working late, a friend called and asked me to join him for street barbecue. When I arrived, I found a girl sitting next to him. We introduced ourselves, and when she said her name, I was stunned – it was the same name as my ex. I thought, this has to be fate. We ate skewers, drank beer, and before we knew it, it was past 9 PM. After we finished, I asked her, “Where do you live? Let me take you home.” She did not refuse. We got a taxi and chatted along the way. I mentioned that I played guitar. Luckily, I had recorded a few songs back in the day. I pulled them up on my phone and played them. The taxi driver chimed in: “Young man, you play pretty well!” Before long, we arrived at her neighborhood. I thought, if I only know the gate of her compound, how am I going to ask her out next time? She got out, and I quickly followed. Thinking fast, I said, “Oh man, all that beer – is there a restroom nearby?” She hesitated, then said, “Why not come up to my place?” Internally, I was thrilled. I followed her up, carefully noting the building number and floor. When it was time to go, I said goodbye and headed home.

Before meeting her, every Lunar New Year trip home came with family-arranged blind dates. I tried a few, but none felt right. I kept insisting on following my heart, and at times doubted whether my stubbornness was justified. When I finally met her, I knew my persistence had been right all along.

Tesla

Not long after we got together, we settled down and life got comfortable. After several rounds of housing market gains, I was feeling bold enough to walk into a Tesla showroom. I had some spare cash and took my wife for a test drive. The futuristic experience convinced even her – she who had always been frugal. We ordered a Model S that same day. Around that time, a buddy was starting his own business but was short on capital and wanted me to invest. Then, due to various issues, the charging station installation fell through. Frustrated, I returned the Tesla and invested the money in my buddy’s venture instead. He ran the storefront; I handled the finances. Before long, the mall’s management company went bankrupt, dragging every tenant down with it – including us.

That experience taught me a hard lesson. If I had not been riding so high, I would never have walked into that Tesla showroom. But my wife said nothing. She quietly supported every decision, good or bad. I told her, “I should hand over my salary card to you.” She replied, “Managing money is too complicated for me. You handle it. I will just ask you when I need some.”

Years later, whenever this comes up with friends, I joke, “I would have been better off buying the Tesla.” Looking back, I was really full of myself. As my wife puts it – an obsession with material things. Fortunately, she has been the one who gradually helped me let go of that obsession.

Every time I think of all this, I cannot help but say: I am so grateful to have you.